


the last one standing

by mageofnorthernseas



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28027866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mageofnorthernseas/pseuds/mageofnorthernseas
Summary: Jaan had lost all of his brothers just days ago. Only a week before it, he had send a letter to all of his brothers to the battlefront.
Kudos: 4





	the last one standing

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very grateful to my friend, who took time to read this story through before I published it and helped to fix any mistakes!

Jaan had lost all of his brothers just days ago. Only a week before it, he had send a letter to all of his brothers to the battlefront. In the letter he had written how things were going at home. How Aether and Ives’ old dog had chased the squirrels across the yard, and Eldwin’s cat continued to beg scraps of meat from the cook – who, despite her sternness and ruthless ruling of the kitchen, had a soft spot for the cat.

But now… Aether, Ives, and Eldwin would never return back home. Well, they would return home although not how he had hoped. He hadn’t hoped for them to return in wooden boxes. The news of their death had been given by a messenger. When he had received the news he had felt himself numb in the beginning. Jaan’s brothers had promised to never leave him behind, but yet they had left him behind.

When the numbness had faded away, anger had revealed itself under it. He was angry at the gods then – and oh boy how he cursed them. He cursed them to hell and back. Even said things that he wouldn’t normally consider saying about gods.

Then he began thinking that they would be alive if he had only been there with them. When they had been young, they had made a promise to protect each others’ backs. He hadn’t been with his brothers fighting war because he saw it as useless loss of lives and destruction of beautiful things. His brothers had understood his reasonings and even encouraged him to stay at home. But what if…

After the anger and what-ifs had come the bone crushing sadness. It was suffocating him and he was drowning in an ocean and there was no one to help him – no one to lift him above the waves of grief.

Rising from the chair he was sitting in felt like a monumental task Jaan was not up to at the moment. Jaan knew he should go to bed and get some proper sleep but he didn't have the energy to do it. He reached towards the table near the chair where there was a pile of blankets and took one from there. He settled in the chair and wrapped himself in the blanket. Soon he felt himself drifting off into sleep.

Jaan felt a cold breeze and shivered. It shouldn’t be cold as he had been inside just a moments ago. He opened his eyes slowly and blinked. He looked around himself and found himself to be in a forest clearing leaning against a tree.

He heard a voice, barely above a whisper, ask: ”What have we done to deserve your wrath? Have we truly angered you so?”

He was up in seconds – looking wildly around himself to find the source of the voice.

Jaan heard another voice behind himself and he turned around. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. He would never have made a good soldier as he was spooked easier than a cat, and they were easily spooked creatures in his opinion.

He saw a man step out behind a tree. He looked ethereal and intimidating – that kind of man you wouldn’t want to anger. However, Jaan did recognize the man. He had seen pictures of him everywhere. He was known as the god of life, memories, animals and birth and his name was Joan.

Jaan was only one of his brothers who had a godly parent. It was obvious to anyone if they looked into his eyes. When he and his brothers had been younger they had tried to find out who was his godly parent but they never did figure it out. They couldn’t even ask from their mother as he had died when giving birth to Jaan.

Jaan froze like a deer at headlights when the man asked again: ”What did we do to deserve your wrath?”

Jaan scoffed with disbelief clearly written across his face. He said: ”What did you do?”

Jaan paused for a moment and tried to figure out the man before him. Gods rarely appeared in dreams. People said you were blessed if any of the gods visited your dream and talked with you, but at the moment Jaan didn’t feel himself very blessed by gods. He continued: ”You dare to ask from me what you have done to deserve my wrath, when you have taken my brothers from me?”

He felt like he was close to crying, but he didn’t want to show his weakness in front of a god.

Joan looked at him curiously and said: ”Greysen’s wars only claim the lives of those, whose are absolutely demanded.”

Jaan felt his feet buckle under himself. He fell to the ground, his shoulders shaking from the tears he didn’t want to shed and from anger he was keeping inside himself. Jaan said, his voice rising by the end: ”But why them! I’m sure there were others. Others who could have died instead of them?”

Joan shook his head and walked closer to Jaan. When he was a few meters away from him, he crouched down on his level, and asked: ”But do you truly wish for someone to go through the pain that you’re going through?”

Silence fell between them, and Jaan turned his gaze down, ashamed of his own words. Jaan said quietly: ”I miss them, and I would do anything to get them back. Even trade my life for theirs.”

There was a quiet sigh that came from Joan. Joan thought carefully over the words he was going to say, before opening his mouth: ”Even you must know, that it’s not possible. I know that their deaths were painless and Ehren guaranteed me that, and I know that Nikko looks after every soul that enters his domain. However, you need to let go of them to live your life to the fullest.”

Jaan tried to argue with Joan, and said: ”They’re not here with me, they don’t live on this plane of existence anymore! Maybe it’s easier for you to handle the topic of death because one of your brothers is the god of the death, and the other rules the domain of dead souls! I don’t want to let go of them because I’m afraid of forgetting them.”

This time there was an exasperated sigh from Joan. ”You must know that I’m not telling you to let go of them and forget them completely. I mean that as long you are able to let go of them but remember them, they will continue to live in your memories and will always be with you no matter where you’re.”

Jaan wrapped his arms around himself and started crying. Joan turned his sorrowful gaze towards him and asked: ”Can I hug you?”

When Jaan nodded, Joan went closer to Jaan until he could wrap Jaan in his arms. He tried to calm Jaan down and his crying quieted down slowly until he was hiccupping. Joan closed his eyes and said: ”Rest my child. I will look over you until you will fall asleep.”

When Jaan woke up, he found himself sitting in the chair he had fallen asleep in. Tear tracks marked his face and he tried to wipe them away. Jaan looked out of the window of the room and he could see that it was early in the morning and the sun was just rising. Maybe, just maybe he could feel hopeful about the future.

– – – – – – – – – – –

”Are you sure that was the wisest course of action Joan?” Greysen asked when he stepped out of the forest into the clearing after Jaan’s body in the dreamscape had evaporated. He continued: ”I can clearly see that you’re in a war within yourself.”

Joan stood up from the ground and turned towards Greysen with a thoughtful look on his face. Joan said: ”Only the time will tell us. Still, I’m sure my son will be up to the task once the time comes.”

Greysen looks at Joan unsurely, and says: ”I do hope so. I see that… he will have a great role in the events that will unfold in the future. He will be the vital part for the world to stay balanced, but he also has the potential to plunge the world into chaos instead of peace.”

Greysen looked around himself before continuing: ”I heard that Ehren wasn’t happy with what you had done. Something about your actions having an unpredictable effect on the timeline.”

Joan took a deep breath before burying his face in his hands. He said his voice muffled: ”That righteous bastard… I’m tired, and I have had enough of him preaching about what is wrong and what is right and constantly going against what he himself has said.”

Greysen chuckled: ”Aren’t we all brother, aren’t we all.”

Out of blue Joan said: ”How could I abandon my child? At the time it seemed a wise decision to leave him with his human family, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

”Why wouldn't it have been the right choice? Do you think that he hasn’t grown into a wonderful human being?”

”No, it’s not that… Although I may regret never seeing him grow up, and telling him that I’m his father. As far as he is concerned, he is a bastard son of some god.”

”Joan, I’m saying this out of kindness – don’t beat yourself over it, because there will be a time in the future, when you can tell him who is truly his father. It may not be today or tomorrow, but it will happen. I can guarantee that.”

”You’re right…”

**Author's Note:**

> So, I mentioned four different OC gods during this story. Joan is the god of memories, animals, life, and birth. Ehren is the god of death, justice, elements, and time. Nikko is the god of day, sins, guiltiness, chaos, and he also rules over the domain of dead. Greysen is the god of war, future, and past. 
> 
> Like any writer, I thrive on comments and kudos.


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